I'm just blah! Blah, blah blah. There are certain things I'm trying to figure out but, quite frankly, it's just too exhausting to go into detail right now. So, here's my 'in a nutshell' list:
The Library
Saving money and getting quality family time by checking out books and movies from the library is a good idea in theory but really sucks when it comes to reality. I stress out about keeping the books and movie in one piece and getting them returned on time so as not to incur fines. And we've only done it for one week! I had a grand idea about checking out a People magazine to read and was excited about that since I had to give up my subscription long ago. Turns out you can only read those types of things IN the library. Who knew? So while I was trying to read the magazine as fast as possible while trying to keep two hungry toddlers from making any kind of noise at all, it happened. I got 'the look' from the librarian. (sigh) So I say screw the library, I'm enrolling in Netflix (the library doesn't really have that great of a selection anyway - but what can one expect for free?) and going to maybe pick up a copy of People from work once in awhile.
That reminds me, Quinn and Sydney got their first ever library cards last week:-) I got my first ever as an adult library card as well. Guess we'll frame them since we won't be using them:-)
Preschool
To send Quinn to preschool or not to send her to preschool. I don't f**king know! It'll be a big chunk of money each month but I think she'll really get a lot out of it. More than what she would learn if K.C. or I tried to teach her. Not because we couldn't but because of the fact that we're mom and dad. Know what I mean? Anyway, I know of two preschools that people really like. One is a church based one which I'm just not sure about. Without getting too deep about it (that's another post for another day) I think I've discovered that I am a spiritual person but not a religious person. I grew up in church and looking back at that time as an adult I find that I felt the same thing back then that I do now. I just don't buy the stories. I believe in the basis of it all - be a good person, do good things and all that. The stories just really bother me. That being said, what I grew up hearing has helped me to be a good person so even if I don't agree with/believe in the stories, should I let 'them' teach things to Quinn? I don't know. Maybe we'll just go with the non-religious preschool. It's closer to home anyway. Or am I just feeling pressure to send her to preschool and should we just not and wait for kindergarten? I know there are a million reasons for each side of it but which is the best decision for Quinn? To go or not to go? She talks about going to school. But she also talks about being a princess. Hmmmm...
Work
It's still bothering me that I can't find that balance. I know in my head how to make it work. Why can't I just DO that? Oh yeah, because life is unpredictable and things don't always go the way we want them to! I have requested to have another night off during the week but haven't heard back on that yet. And then I feel bad and think that maybe I should ADD more hours so that we CAN pay for preschool and Little Gym and all of the other things that are sure to come along. And then I get sad because I see signs for T-ball and soccer and think that Quinn would really enjoy that -oh but wait, I wouldn't get to watch her enjoy that. (sigh) I've thought about transferring to the warehouse that is closer to us where I'm sure to only get 24 hours a week. The only problem is working it so we don't have to rely on anyone else to watch the girls.
Food
I want to plant a garden. The problem with that is A. the dogs would dig up/trample anything we planted in the back yard. B. The neighbor kids would dig up/trample anything we planted outside of the back yard. C. It would require WAY more work than I'm probably willing to give it. I think I have decided to maybe have a couple of containers. Maybe some strawberries in one and tomatoes in the other?
I've also recently become obsessed with canning. Along with growing my own food I want to preserve my food. But, I've never done any kind of canning before. I've been reading up on it so feel like I could do it. But, I don't have any of the equipment. And, like everything else, it all costs money. And I'm not into getting them used. I know a lot of people find great deals on things but I'm not the type of person that gets the good deals. I'm the type that spends way too much on cheap crap.
Along with growing my garden and preserving my bounty, I must compost as well. We actually do compost now but only as far as putting the food into the receptacle for Waste Management to pick up every other week. Forget about turning and churning and adding and subtracting and whatever else you have to do!
Time
Why can't I manage my time better? Why do I let stupid things suck up so much of my time? Why, why, why?
Exercise
Why do I continue to talk myself out of, well wait, that's not the right wording. Why do I justify my failure of making it to stroller strides and the trail? I think it all goes back to my poor time management. I stay up way too late so getting up in the morning is hard. And then trying to get myself and two toddlers fed, ready and out the door all within an hour of waking up is just too stressful. Not to mention the housework that I don't have time to do. And then I'm just so darn tired in the afternoon, I can't seem to make myself do what needs to be done to keep the house in order.
So those are just some of the things running through my head and keeping me up at night. I guess I'll just keep plugging away and eventually I'll get it right! Yes, eventually I WILL get it right!
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4 comments:
Sister I am totally there with you! Here are my 2 cents: Food--I've been interested in trying one of these Aero Gardens: http://www.aerogardenstore.com/promotion/index.php?promoName=catalog&pageName=homepage&r=1
I too worry about having a garden outside for similar reasons plus the pollution issues not to mention the work involved. I considered a container garden which is more manageable but still worry about it being outdoors. The indoor Aero Garden would be more manageable and indoors so it is producing year around. I think the initial investment would be worth it.
Preschool: Quinn is a very smart little girl and will do fine in school if she goes to preschool or not. I personally don't think you need to feel pressured to pay for preschool with your current lifestyle. Buy some preschool readiness books and have her practice some worksheets like she would do in school. She'll be fine.
Time and exercise: think like the Flylady--baby steps. Set a goal and make baby steps towards it. If you fall off the wagon for a few days or a few weeks, jump back in without kicking yourself for it. Just do what you can do and let everything else go.
Work: If the money is worth the time then keep working. If the money becomes not enough to justify the time away from your family then it is time to quit. Or, alternatively, try to find something you'll be happier doing. But, then you may have to consider child care. It is nice having money but I also know it is more important to you to spend time with your babies. Just think, 5 more years and the girls will both be in school and you'll have more free time to work during the day.
Remember: This is all just temporary so don't feel like it will last forever. Do what you can do now knowing that it will all change very soon and you'll have a whole new set of challenges to deal with!
Hope this helps. You are doing great! Keep up the good work. Love you.
Oh, and if you want to get Quinn involved in t-ball or soccer or whatever, just request that you work at times other than practices and games. You will have her game schedule ahead of time (usually) so you can request to work around those times. Give it a try. Who knows, she may hate it and you won't have to make it as big a priority. Or, she may love it and you'll decide to modify/change your work options to accommodate her new love.
I agree with Tami! I think we live in a time where parents are guilted into NOT involving their kids in every activity possible. It makes me crazy!
I have some friends that have the one of Aero Gardens I will have to ask specifically if they like them or not. More power to you if you get one...it's all I can handle to pick my veggies from the garden at WalMart at this point in my life!
Life is always about changes...I am getting better with change as I get older. Each phase the kids enter or exit brings new challenges and rewards! This is my opinion...spend as much time with your kids when you can. I look back when Kora was little and I feel like I missed a lot! At the time I did the best I could in the situation I was in...I did enjoy time with her, but man, it goes by so fast! I think I was in a state of pissed off because of the asshole I married at the time. Thank God that changed!
I think Quinn will be fine with or without preschool. She has the socialization down...give that girl an A+. She is very smart and even if she doesn't have a certain skill - she will learn it fast. You can pick up a few pre-K and K activitiey books and have her work on a few minutes each day. There are tons of web sites you can download that you can print off too. The most important recommendation I have...read, read, read! Read with her every day...even if it is while you are at the store or driving. She will be fine! I will look in my tote of books, I think I have some activity books I will give her.
I don't think I ever exercised when the kids were little...other than house work...and it can be a workout! Even now, it is hard to find/make the time. You just do what you can in the amount of time you have.
I love that you include your kids when you cook and bake. I never took the time to do that because I just needed to get dinner (or whatever) made, cleaned up and on to the next thing.
Hang in there! I have it in my mind that if I had a cleaning lady that would help with my stress level...but then I would have to pay her and I'm sure I would stress about cleaning up BEFORE she got there and so what's the point?! Grrrr!
So one more point of view...
Work--Don't waste another minute at work, work is highly over-rated and I would ditch it every chance I get. Those girls need and want you. Yes, you will get sick of them, and yes, their will be times that you will need to escape but that will happen later in life. I spend almost 10 years at home, (odd jobs here and there) and when I went back into the work force I found that it didn't take long to get back into the swing of things and now I do the same thing the rest of the women do and I can look back and say that I spend the best years with my kids. (Kora too!)
Preschool-My master's project was all about what kids need to be successful in school. Preschool is a great indicator for students, BUT more over our research found that parent support at home, such as reading was the most important factor. Just like Tina said, read, read, read. Then teach her the basics, alphapbet, colors, how to use the glue responsibily, learn the use scissors and most importantly, teach her to listne and be able to follow a series of orders.
Garden-I've tried three different times and found that the pot method is the only way to go. First, growing in WY is a little tough and second I just don't like the hard work, and a garden is just that. I've also tried canning and found it to be very rewarding. Give it a go! Remember that I want to start the dumb idea of quilting, why? Heck if I know.
Just like Tina, I never tried to exercise when the kids were small. The most I did was walking. Take the pressure off yourself and wait until the kids are older. Do a little something, then save your energy for the kids.
you are amazing and you are doing great. The girls will thank you later. Believe me, my boys know how to bake cookies, love to read and we love to hang out together still. They appreciate me most when I'm home with them. Can you smell the cherry pie???
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