Letting go, Preschool and Whatever else comes up!

Letting Go:

I've done it. I've decided to let go. Let go of the resentment and anger I had towards working. Resentment and anger at myself for putting myself in the position to have to work. No resentment and anger towards K.C. - just wanted to make that clear. I've decided to change my view on the situation. I'm tired of complaining about it and, quite frankly, don't like complainers so why be a hypocrite?! So, instead of complaining today, I'm going to explore the good that has come out of my decision to go back to work. The most obvious is money. We have some now! Not a lot mind you, but enough to give us a little breathing room and keep us fed and gas in the cars. I think the very best thing to come out of this is the relationship that K.C. and the girls are developing. K.C. gets to parent without my input and the girls get to depend on someone else other than me to teach them, feed them, bathe them and love them. Daddy does a great job and they wouldn't have gotten that if I didn't go to work. That's a good thing! Even though I'm working, I get a break from being Mommy for a few hours. I'm around kids but I'm not responsible for them. Only for myself. Plus it helps that I talked to the scheduler last night and she doesn't think it'll be a problem for me to get 3 days off a week instead of 2. And if it ends up that I can't, I'll be okay with it. I'm going to choose to be:-)

Preschool:

I'm very excited. I think we have found the preschool we have been looking for. We still have to tour it and check it all out but it sounds promising. I've been asking people where they send their kids. Most do a co-op, which just doesn't sound like something I want to do. Fundraising, parent participation, taking parenting classes, having a monthly meeting, cleaning the school twice a year. Nope, that's just me paying someone else to have me watch my own kids. Or that's the way I look at it. The other moms are very happy with it and I really shouldn't judge it since I've never seen it in action. I may have it all wrong. But it just doesn't feel right to me. Another option that is popular is the church-based ones. I've explained before that I'm just not comfortable with that one. I think when the girls are older and can understand and question things better, we will go as a family to visit the different places of worship so they can choose or get a sense of what it is they believe in. In the meantime, we'll try to teach them to be kind, loving, understanding, non-judgemental human beings. Did I really say non-judgemental right after I just judged two different kinds of preschools I've never visited? Have I mentioned that I'm working on this whole hypocrite thing I've got going on?! Anyway, the closest non-church based preschool around here is very close to us but also very expensive. I've heard lots of different things about it. Some love it, some hate it. What I've heard the most is that it's just basically day-care with an attempt at academics thrown in. I remember last year at this time everyone asking everyone else if they've registered for preschool yet. I didn't feel like it was something Quinn needed at the time so didn't worry about it. I would have totally ignored again this year if not for the fact that she keeps talking about going to school and really, really, really wants to learn. The whole point of it for us is to spark and nurture her intellect and keep her interested in learning so that school will be a fun thing for her. We don't need day care and I'm not looking for classes for myself. I think the hesitation to send her is on my part. I'M not ready for her to go to school. I'd miss her:-( She's growing up too fast. And I just want to keep her in my little bubble. But, she's ready. Her mother is getting there:-)

So, thanks to my friend Aileen, we are looking at Leaps and Bounds. What struck me the most when I asked her if and where she sends her girls, the first thing she said was that they chose this place based on the academics. She had nothing but good things to say about it and what I like about it is that I get to pick which days she goes, how many days she goes and if she goes in the mornings or the afternoons. Can't beat that! It is a little bit of a drive but I think it's worth it if it really is all that it seems to be. We'll keep you posted on it.

Let's see, what else is going on...........I think the lump in my neck is getting smaller! I'll have to have K.C. feel it tonight to see what he thinks. I was thinking about it last night and I think that I was supposed to call if it didn't change after 3 days instead of 10 days. I don't know why I can't process information like a normal person - it's so frustrating! Maybe acupuncture can help me with that? Make me smart and have good hair? If only!

I guess that's about the sum of it for today. I'm half asleep as Quinn came into our room sometime around 5-ish and after listening to her tell me over and over and over that she couldn't sleep, well, I couldn't sleep either. So her and I were up at 5:30 this morning. This is after I went to bed around midnight. Not fun. I'm hoping for a nice nap for myself this afternoon as she's already had a mid-morning nap. We'll see if I get it or not.