A Vegetarian No More

Well, one thing is for sure. I'm totally out of practice cooking steak! Not that I was ever really a great steak griller/cooker etc. I brought home a cilantro/lime marinaded flank steak from work the other night. I slapped it on the grill yesterday for lunch. I didn't leave it on there long enough on one side so it was half cooked, half rare. I was going for not pink but still tender. After putting it back on the grill a second time, I finally finished cooking it in the microwave. The girls and I were hungry and couldn't wait anymore.

I fixed carne asada-type steak tacos for us. Sydney did pretty well with hers. She ate all of her steak so that she could get another tortilla with just cheese in it. Quinn had a few bites of steak but just didn't want to finish all of hers - and I really couldn't make her! I had halved my large tortilla, put in some steak, a little shredded cheese and some taco sauce. I got all of that one down. I made another one but only got about 1/2 of it down. I just didn't like the texture of the steak - too tough. I think I should have taken the advice of friends and went out for steak!

Anyway, nothing major happened. I tolerated it well. No immediate burst of energy. In fact, I just cried all afternoon - but more on that later. I headed to an acupuncture appointment and then we decided to go out for burgers for dinner. We ended up at Dairy Queen. I ordered a cheeseburger. It was actually pretty good. The texture wasn't perfect but I ate it with no problems. So far, I seem to be digesting it all well enough.

What finally pushed me to eat the meat in the first place is my energy levels. I couldn't believe it on Monday - I had no energy or even desire to do anything. The girls basically ate out of a cheerios bag for most of the day while I sat on the couch watching TV. It was really pathetic! I did manage, after a couple of handfuls of M & M's, to make us a late lunch. We were headed to the baseball game later that night so I just couldn't afford a 'hungry' meltdown before we could get there and get food. I actually had to stop and get a coke for some caffeine to get the energy to drive us all there. Pathetic!

The rest of the week hasn't been much better. I haven't been to the gym in I don't know how long. That's part of it, I'm sure. But I just can't get the energy to go! And when I was going, I didn't have the energy I needed for the rest of the day. I've also been very emotional this week. I cry at the drop of a hat. I haven't done that in years! I'm keeping us locked up in the house instead of getting out with friends. I stay in bed until the kids are begging me to give them breakfast. I feel like I'm being pulled back into my constant state of depression that I was in for so many years. Maybe it's the herbs doing it to me. Maybe it's my body healing itself and finding then riding itself of all of those bad emotions. I don't know but I don't like it one bit! I'm hoping it will get better soon. I don't like being this kind of mom that has no patience/time/energy/emotion left for her kids.

It all goes hand in hand with my cycle. I don't start my placebo pill until this Sunday yet I started bleeding a week early. Although it's not a lot of blood (thanks to the pill), it still takes all of the energy I have. It's getting worse too, which is why I am trying to get help for it. Maybe it's going to be that I need to eat meat at only certain times during the month. I don't know. What I do know is that having energy to be a mom is way more important to me than being a vegetarian!