I'm pissed! And it's the worst kind of pissed too. I'm pissed at myself. I can't throw the blame onto anyone else, though I'd like to. I've been slowly but surely creeping to this edge. I've felt it coming, knew it was going to happen, tried to deny it like I usually do and it always catches me. Always.
The thing is I learn by doing (sometimes I have to do things over and over and over before I finally get it, but I do eventually get it). I'm not a logical person and as much I hate to admit it, common sense eludes me often. But I am very clever. Mix that with being a little selfish and you get the slew of carnage that has led up to me being so damn pissed at myself.
Today started good. Got my turbo tax in hand, got all my tax documents on my messy desk, got the girls set up in front of the tv so I could concentrate on what I was doing (those nominations for Mother of the Year just keep on racking up for me!). This is my first time doing our taxes so I wanted to be sure I wasn't distracted. Didn't work - I was distracted, but at least I made the effort not to be. But that's not why I'm pissed.
Good news, we're getting a big refund. Bad news, it's all going to the credit card. More bad news, it's not going to pay off the card like we had hoped. Good news, it will only take a couple of months to finish getting it paid off. Good news, I do not keep that credit card in my wallet any more so therefore it will never be used by me again (much to K.C.'s delight). So that starts why I'm pissed. My lack of control over money. I get the whole concept of it - if you can't pay cash for it now, you can't afford it so therefore you don't buy it. Sounds good in theory and all but there were certain things that I felt needed to be bought even though we didn't have the cash to pay for them at the time. Several things really. Lots of things actually. Okay, so pretty much everything that we purchased between 04/08/1994 (the day K.C. and I met) up through 01/29/2009 we couldn't afford. I won't even go into pre 04/08/1994! My mom might want to fill you in though:-)
So anyway, I made a lot of stupid moves with our finances and somehow talked K.C. into going along with them (that's part of that clever side of me). I won't bore you with the gory details but rest assured, they were stupid! So when we decided to move here we paid off everything and were going to make a fresh start. Obviously I hadn't quite learned my lesson since I racked up the credit card again! Insert Pissed Off here.
So here we are, almost two years after we bought our current house and I decide to get a handle on things and pull out our paperwork. For some unknown reason, we have two loans on this house. Something about doing it that way to avoid mortgage insurance or something. Probably a good thing to know BEFORE signing paperwork but whatever. I'm looking at our 2nd loan and, although I understand what it is saying, it just doesn't seem right. I read it over and over and then I see it. The date listed for the last payment. April 1, 2012. That's a little over three years from now. Great! That loan will be paid off soon! Wait, did I mention that it is an 83 thousand dollar loan? Oh and it has a 'little' balloon payment at the end of a measly 81 thousand dollars! That's going to be a little tough. Seriously - what is wrong with me that I agree to things like this? At least K.C. had an excuse - he was practically on his death bed at the time.
I was so mad when I saw that - you have no idea. And I only have myself to blame for it. That's why I'm still awake at 12:30 at night! And now that that is all that I can think about, I'm starting to remember the closing and the conversation about how we'd refinance before then so it's not a big deal. Seriously?! Not a big deal? Officially, I have now learned. If I don't have the cash, I don't buy it. If I don't understand it, I don't sign it. That one is very important as we will be looking to refinance that nasty little loan very soon! Yep, lesson learned. Why do I have to wait until it hurts so bad before I learn it? And I'm still pissed. But tired. So I'm going to bed now and will dream up a clever way to get us out of this mess! Or maybe you all will be kind enough to share some logical and/or common sense ways to get out of this mess since my cleverness tends to get me into these messes!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Frick. Frick. Frick. I am right there with you on the spending, but we are getting it under control. Except for the fact we are installing new carpet and a new back patio, but I can justify home things. Is that bad? It's the credit cards that are my target. I have a plan this year, and there is no running from it. I am giving up buying a used vehicle in favor of being debt-free (except for the patio and carpet...heh, yes I still have a weakness: once per year home improvements). We are also cutting back on the travel this year, even though I want to go to Hawii. Waahhh, right? Point is I understand your pain about the credit cards. I am really starting to understand don't buy it if you can't afford it (except for things like food and diapers ;) ). But frick, frick, frick on the loan thing. The good news is that the banks are hopefully starting to figure out what to do with people like you :) You're another victim of the mortgage lenders, surprise! You're part of history! Don't be too hard on yourself. You made the best choice you could at the time. You are just another example of what the mortgage lenders have been doing to the public for the last 8 years or so. (I know you've heard about the recent balloon payment mortgage crisis!) Just another day for them. Don't be so hard on yourself.
In the meantime I am trying to justify a $317 payment to the Little Gym. I know we could/should do without it but Anna has so much darned fun. Rats.
Post a Comment